Walk to Where?

The nurse transporter brought me back to my room.  Jane and her Mum were there.  Still groggy and sleepy I said hello and that’s about it.  The sun was shining in the window, very brightly.

“Where’s my Aime girl?”  The overly happy nurse was back!  How much coffee did she have between me going to surgery and coming back to the room?  She was super energetic!  “So remember from your pre-op you were told you had to move right?  Move your legs even while in the bed yes?”

Jane and I said almost at he same time “What pre-op?”

“What?  You didn’t have a pre-op?”  Very excited the nurse snapped her head in my direction.

My froggy sounding voice croaked again.  “This was emergency surgery.”

“Oh my goodness!  Yes I see that now on your chart!”  Throwing her hands up in the air almost dropping the metal clip board that had my chart on it, she cam over to my bedside.

“Aime, you need to move your legs every hour, and later today you’re going to walk.  This helps with building your strength back and muscle strength.  Every day you are going to go for little walks.  The doctor put in a morphine pump as an IV.  You control your own morphine.  Hit this black button and you will get morphine into you.  It will only work though every hour.”  The overly happy nurse checked my vitals then left the room.

Closing my eyes I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.  Shakily I took a big breath, and let it out slowly.

“Aime, you’ll be okay.  I’ve called your parents and they know you’re out of surgery.  I think your Dad will call later.”  Jane and her Mum sat at the end of the bed while I was sleepy off and on, through the day.

Sometime into the early evening one of the nurses came in.  She was wearing a light coloured scrub uniform, and she had brown curly hair.  “Aime your Dad has called.”

I couldn’t get my words out fast enough, or connect with my mouth to actually speak.  I started signing “Dad”  “talk”.  The nurse looked at Jane, back at me, and said with alarm “Can she talk?”

“Yes, Aime can talk, sometimes her mouth and brain don’t connect fast enough, and she’ll start signing a word or two to help engage her mouth again.”

“Oh, I see, what’s she asking?”

“Dad, talk, phone, me.  Aime do you want to talk to Dad on the phone?”

Signing and nodding my head.  Yes.

“Oh, no, sorry, we can’t do that.  He’s not on the phone any more.”

I threw my head back on the pillow out of my mouth came nothing…..a silent scream, with red hot tears pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks.  I was tired.  I was sore.  All I wanted was to hear my parent’s voices.  Struggling to breathe fully I inhaled a big breath and let it out forcefully, and more tears fell.  I was angry at the nurse for not letting me talk to my parents.

“Aime have you walked yet today?  Lets get you up and walking.”  Smiling the nurse did her best to switch my attention to something else.

What walk?  Was she joking?  Hell NO!  To much pain!  Jane jumped up and was at my bed side.  Both she and the nurse assisted me to sitting.  “Now slowly move your legs to hang over the bed.”  The nurse was talking out each step along the way.  Thank God for the morphine pump I had.  I was able to hit the button and the drug went shooting into my vein.  Helping to relieve the pain somewhat.

“Fuck!  This hurts!”  Gritting my teeth and panting I move another inch towards the edge of the bed.  My feet finally touched the ground.  Felt like forever to get even to there.

“Okay now stand up.”  The nurse and Jane were standing on either side of me and looped their arms around mine to assist me in standing.  Wincing and whining more I shook to stand up.  “Feel your feet strong on the floor.  Breathe.  Aime remember to breathe.  Look up, look to the doorway.  That’s where we are walking too.”

The distance between the bed and the door was no more than 8 feet.  But that 8 feet felt like 800 feet!  Every step I took was like inching along the highway in rush hour traffic, going no where fast.  I wanted to get their fast, but my body and feet wouldn’t let me.  Every step a painstakingly adventure to get further ahead.

“You’re almost there.  You’re doing great!  Keep going!”  Jane was encouraging me as she was holding one of my arms.

After what felt like for ever I got to the doorway I smiled, still in a ton of pain.  “Aime look down the hallway.  What do you see down there?”

Luckily I had my glasses on, so I could see down the hallway.  “A chair, and a table.”

“You know what else is on the table down there?  A phone!  You can call your Mum tomorrow!  That’s your goal.  Do that and I’ll buy you the movie Radio.  I know you love that movie.  It just came out to DVD.”

Jane was very excited and encouraging.  She was a great support system for me.



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