The days in grade 3 were a blur. Some full of laughter, but not much really. Lots of tears and frustration as I worked through the homework at home, and the different language arts class. I had laughter at Girl Guides, or at church.
“Hey, look its Button Nose! Button Nose!” One of the kids were laughing and pointing at me again, as I came back into the class from the separate Language Arts class.
“Back to work please everyone.” Mr. M smiled at me when I came into the room.
Feeling confused and singled out again I looked down at my hands on my lap while sitting at my desk. Feet twitching on the floor, not sure what I was supposed to do. All the other kids were working on something. Mr. M came over to my desk.
“Welcome back Aime, the kids are just finishing up on their reading assignment, we’re going to be doing Social next. Do you have a book you could look at before that?”
I looked at him like he had 2 heads. I hate reading! I do not want to read a book, or look at a book for that matter!
I went to the carpet space on the floor in the room and chose a book and brought it back to my seat. Flipping through it not really reading it though.
This pattern went on all year. Going out of the class for the special Language Arts class, coming back and being laughed at, then having to look at a book again before the start of the next subject.
I lived for recess and lunch time. I could see Karen. We talked and laughed and were okay together.
“Was fun at Guides last night, wasn’t it?” Karen was smiling.
“Yes, the games were a lot of fun, and it was neat to learn about the 4 World Centers too.” I replied.
After lunch was Math. Again, I was brought out of the class most of the time to do extra work on my addition, subtraction, and I was starting to learn about the multiplication times tables. This brought on anxiety, and tears lots.
“I do not know the answer. I am stupid.” My face red with frustration, and I hit my forehead again with the heel of my hand.
The teacher who was helping me took a breath. “Aime no, you are not stupid.”
“Okay then I’m dumb then.”
“No, you are not dumb either. Who told you that?”
“The kids in the class. When I go back in to the class the kids call me names.” Tears forming in my eyes I looked down at my paper.
“Aime, you are not that at all. You just take longer to learn things. You’ll get it. Come now, what’s this next question say?”
I completed the sheet as best I could and pushed it back to the teacher. Crossed my arms and huffed. I was tired, and frustrated. I didn’t feel like doing any more.
“Hey loser! You’re dumb!” The kids saw me come back to the class.
“Settle down everyone.” Mr. M said.
This was my grade 3 life. In and out of class each day, being name called every day in mean ways by the kids.
Grade 4 wasn’t much different. I didn’t have to go out of the class as much. I wasn’t the new girl though!
“Is this seat taken?” A slender girl with darker skin looked at me when she came into class.
“No, it’s not. Hi, I’m Aime.” I smiled at the new girl.
She smiled shyly back at me.
I thought, oh maybe we’ll be friends? That would be nice.
The niceness of the new girl lasted only a few days. As the other girls corralled her to being their friend instead. I was alone again in the classroom. No friends.
“You’re a loser Aime, stupid and dumb.” One of the boys in the class said to me. “You need to be in the special class with all the retarded kids.”
When will it all stop? It’s just continuing worse it seemed too.